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In 2022 I coached a group of women in a larger coaching container. We were asked to come up with a name for the group and it didn’t take long for us to call ourselves ‘The Sovereign Queens’. Up until that point, I hadn’t thought much about personal sovereignty. Working with this group of women brought the concept into my consciousness and had me considering my own sovereignty over the years.
What is personal sovereignty?
Sovereignty is generally defined as supreme power or authority and is usually connected to institutions such as governments and royal families that ‘rule’ over the general population.
We have been used to having others in power make decisions on our behalf, but these decisions have not always been for the benefit of all. Personal sovereignty is related to how we as individuals rule ourselves. More and more people, especially women, are learning to take back their power and make decisions based in their own truths and realities.
Sovereignty can be seen as being rebellious as an individual stands up to those who are ruling over them, but sovereignty is also about waking up to the realisation that we are individuals. Something that is good for one person is not necessarily as good for the next. Instead of blindly following societal standards or expectations, more people are choosing to shift away and use their own intuition to lead more fulfilling lives.
Being raised in the Sikh religion and in Punjabi culture, I was never allowed or encouraged to make my own decisions. Instead it was my parents, grandparents and older extended family members who seemed to have the power to choose the direction of my life.
As I got my first job and was exposed to different sections of society, I began to realise that living under the rule of others was not for me. I started to make my own choices which went against my religion and culture. There was conflict, jealousy and anger from those around me who were either not supportive, or didn’t understand why I would want to choose a different type of life.
That’s when I realised that walking a path of my own was challenging and at times very lonely. My siblings, cousins, family friends followed a traditional path to a certain point. I stood out as the rebel who didn’t do as she was told! Being unmarried and childless gained me pitiful looks and whispers at every family even I attended. But I stuck to my beliefs. I carried on creating the life I wanted rather than the one others wanted for me.
As I said, it has sometimes been lonely. People in relationships and those with children didn’t understand that the reason I always seemed to be busy socialising and rarely at home was that at the end of the day, there was no one waiting at home for me. Some of this was avoidance of all the ‘adulting’ I had to do. Others didn’t understand how it felt to have to do every single thing for myself because there wasn’t someone next to me for support or help along the way.
Walking a sovereign path can make a person resilient and independent. It can also make you the go to person when others need help. People see you being able to move through challenges in a way they aren’t able to and this draws people to you. This in itself can feel exhausting at times.
Sovereignty is also about reclaiming your power. Your power to make decisions and create a life that is aligned with your beliefs, morals and desires. Many of us give up this power in order to please others or keep the peace. We may put our dreams and desires to the side to take care of others rather than putting ourselves first.
How do we start to step into our personal sovereignty? As I mentioned it can be a lonely journey, but I guarantee it is a worthwhile one. What would it feel like to make decisions and life choices from a place of feeling grounded and true to yourself?
3 Ways to Start Walking a Sovereign Path
Say ‘No’ More Often
Saying no is one of the most difficult things for some people. Not being able to do so keeps them in situations that are not fulfilling or can make them feel resentful or frustrated. All because they chose not to say no.
How many times have you agreed to something when really you had something else to do or were not feeling your best? I have been there. Being raised to always put others before myself didn’t help! Whenever I was asked to do something, I would jump at the chance rather than take the time to feel into whether I wanted to or had the capacity to help out.
When I started saying ‘no’ more often, I also began to see how I was disempowering other people. I was enabling their behaviour rather than helping them to overcome their own self esteem issues and grow their confidence.
Choose Yourself
When we don’t choose ourselves, we are choosing others. We are helping others to live the life they want because we haven’t chosen to live the life that we want.
There are of course times when we do want to choose others. When we want to help our partner with a project they are working on, when our parents ask for our help with something or when our children are looking for support. But that is a choice made from sovereignty, not obligation. When we continually choose others, and never choose ourselves the resentment and frustration starts to bubble under the surface. That is not a choice from personal sovereignty. That is a choice from obligation.
When it comes to making decisions and choices, and we do so multiple times each day, step back and think about where your choice is being made from. Is it something that feels good for you, or is it through some sense of responsibility or obligation?
Get Curious About Your Desires
People pleasing and going along with others so that we don’t rock the boat means our own dreams and desires get shoved to the sidelines.
When I was in my twenties I didn’t know what I wanted in life because I had always let other people choose for me. It wasn’t until I started to explore my own wants and needs that I was able to find my personal sovereignty.
Without knowing what we want, how do we know what to be sovereign for?
Start to think about what you want in life. What you want your life to look like. Is it exactly how you are living today or are there changes that you now get to make to live how you want? Your choices will start to come from personal sovereignty because you are choosing yourself.
I have created a short workbook entitled ‘Your Sovereign Path: How To Connect To Your Power And Purpose’. It takes you through several sections where you acknowledge where you are in your life, identify your power, discover your purpose and reconnect these both so that you can start to live the life you want. The workbook also gets you to look at challenges you may face and how to overcome these.
You can download the workbook here.
If you would like more support on discovering your personal sovereignty, you can also book a consultation call with me here.
Much love,
Harmesch x
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